Finding a Wife
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing
- Find Defined:
- To find;
secure; attain; to encounter; to meet up with; to happen upon; discover;
to have in one’s possession;
- It is
used in Proverbs in relationship to wisdom. “They that seek lady wisdom
shall find her.”
- This is
a very common word in the OT – used almost 500 times.
- The term
implies several things:
has found a wife…
i. Some may be looking but have not yet
ii. Other men may not even be looking.
implies that to find one it is necessary to look… to seek…
i. Finding usually comes through
ii. Prov. 8:17 - If you want wisdom, it requires
seeking. If you want a wife, it requires the same!
implied is this: if you want to FIND something, you have to know
what you are looking for.
i. Female would be a good starting
point… but not just ANY female.
ii. The Bible gives some qualifications
for finding a wife.
iii. In the natural realm you are
looking for a female; attractive;
iv. But in the spiritual realm,
you want to look for a woman who is saved; walking with the Lord; of like
precious faith; in agreement; (Can two walk together except they be agreed?)
- This is
a very broad term with lots of shades of meaning.
i. practical, economic, or material good,
ii. abstract goodness such as desirability,
pleasantness, and beauty
iii. moral goodness.
translated as: good, pleasant, agreeable, prosperous, abundant,
beneficial, happy, useful, fruitful, benevolent
- It is
probably best to understand Solomon to be using the term here in the
broadest sense… “all of the above”
- “A good
thing” = “good” or “goodness”
indicates more than that the one who finds a wife finds a good entity in
the woman herself.
price is far above rubies!
implies that he has found a FOUNTAIN out of which all kinds of goodness
- It is
more than just that she herself is good… but that the man has found goodness
- He has
found goodness personified – in the person of his wife.
Solomon spoke of wisdom personified as a Lady.
i. He spoke of wisdom in human terms…
in feminine terms… wisdom personified as a lady.
ii. This lady is to be sought after.
Those who seek shall find.
iii. The man who finds this lady finds
Solomon seems to be doing something similar: goodness is personified as a
lady… as a wife.
- The man
who finds a wife finds goodness!
course, we are reminded that this is a PROVERB.
i. It does not cover each and every
case, but is a generalization.
ii. In most cases, the man who finds a
wife finds goodness.
iii. That is not always the case however.
iv. Ahaz’ wife Jezebel was anything but
goodness personified. She was evil personified!
v. Herod’s wife wasn’t all that good
vi. Some women are like “rottenness in
the bones” to their husbands. (Prov. 12:4)
vii. Not every wife is a fountain of
goodness… but most are.
Goodness of a Wife
(Various shades of meaning for goodness)
economic, or material good.
– In a very practical sense, she is a helper… suitable to the man.
She helps in ways that he is not skilled in…
31:10 - She is worth more than rubies… no monetary value can be
placed on her. She is priceless; of great value
31:12 – She does him good all the days of his life.
i. This expression is broad enough to include
virtually any form of goodness towards her husband.
ii. The rest of the chapter explains the
good she does.
31:13-19 – she is a hard worker and brings much physical benefit
to her husband and family.
- Ecc. 4:9
- Two are better than one… for if one falls…
i. How practical for everyday life…
ii. When one is sick… when one needs to
be in two places at once… when you need to be at work and someone needs to be
at home with the kids…
iii. Even in everyday chores – two are
better than one.
as desirability, pleasantness, & beauty
31:10 - She is worth more than rubies… there seems to be a moral
quality to this too…
12:4 – a virtuous good wife is a CROWN to her husband.
i. A crown of honor… distinction…
ii. A crown makes a king stand out in a
crowd… as a virtuous wife makes her husband stand out…
iii. A virtuous wife can make an average
man feel like a king! She is a crown…
2:18 – it is NOT good for a man to be alone.
i. It IS good for him to have a wife.
ii. It is desirable, pleasant… a
2:20 – she is a helpmeet SUITABLE to the man.
i. She completes him… adds another
dimension to his life… a fullness… a richness… completion…
- Moral &
31:11 – the husband can safely trust her… because she is good… honest…
pure… trustworthy… morally good… pure… reliable…
4:9-10 – This is true in the spiritual and moral realm too! Two are
better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For
if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that
is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
and wives are expected to pray together… worship together… edify
one another… admonish one another… iron sharpens iron in the home
And obtaineth favour of the LORD.
delight, favour, goodwill, acceptance, approval.
Himself FAVORS this relationship. He approves of it.
- It was
He who instituted marriage and brought Eve to Adam…
- It was
He who said it was not good for man to be alone.
- It was
He who said “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.” (Heb.
- Thus, in
instituting marriage, God Himself demonstrates that He looks favorably on
the marriage relationship.
- It is
His plan… His will… His design…
- It is
acceptable before Him…
- It is
well pleasing to Him.
favor is FROM the Lord… He is the Source
when a man finds a wife… that woman is an expression of God’s favor
- A wife
is a gift from above… from the Father of lights… for EVERY good
gift is from above!
- One has
to wonder WHEN Solomon wrote these words.
i. Did he write this verse early in his
life… when he was still “rejoicing with the wife of his youth?” (Prov. 5:18)
ii. OR did he write it later on in life…
looking back over his list with regret… after he had married MANY women – who
turned his heart away from the Lord? (I Kings 11:4-8)
19:14 – a
prudent wife is FROM the Lord.
- The fact
that you have a good wife is not to be traced to your skill in choosing…
a good eye… It is to be traced to God’s favor and grace!
- A wife
is an expression of God’s favor, grace, kindness, blessing, and goodness
- A good
wife is God’s answer for that which is NOT good: that man should
- So every
time you are blessed by your wife…
i. Every time she does something that
ii. Every time she does good for you…
iii. Every time her actions benefit you
or your family…
iv. Every time she cooks a meal… cleans
a room… washes clothes… takes care of the kids… etc…
v. Every time she tells you that you
can’t wear that tie with that shirt…
vi. Every time she reminds you of a
temper out of control…
vii. Every time she rebukes, corrects, OR
edifies and encourages…
viii. Every time goodness in one form or
another flows from her ---
ix. THANK her for it…
x. And thank God too… for
HE is the ultimate source of that goodness.
xi. A good wife is a good gift FROM GOD.
xii. The goodness she does is an
expression of HER love and care for you.
xiii. It is also an expression of God’s
love and care as well.