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Proverbs 18:24

Friends and Friendliness

 

Introduction:

  1. This is a problematic passage in the translation.
  2. It is problematic not because of a textual issue, but rather the problem revolves around the meaning of the Hebrew word.
  3. How to translate the phrase “must shew himself friendly” is the problem.

 

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly

 

  1. The Hebrew term:
    1. Strongs: to be bad, be evil, displeasing; break; broken; broken in pieces;
    2. Dict. of Bib. Lang: evil-doer, i.e., one who acts morally corrupt
    3. Zodhiates: A verb meaning to be bad, to do wrong. The root of the word indicates breaking.
    4. Used in Prov.4:16 = mischief
    5. TWOT – bad, evil, distress, misery

 

  1. Examples of the wide variation in translation:
    1. Darby:  A man of many friends will come to ruin
    2. Holman Christian Standard: A man with many friends may be harmed
    3. Youngs: A man with friends is to show himself friendly

 

  1. You can see why it is problematic to discern WHY it is translated “shew himself friendly” in the KJV.
    1. It may well be that there is an ancient play on words that  the KJV translators understood.
    2. Proverbs is full of this sort of thing. Solomon often uses this technique… it is the nature of a proverb to have a play on words.
    3. The problem is, that when the play on words is several thousand years old – the we may not grasp what was meant.

 

  1. I do not know HOW to harmonize these two translations.
    1. Neither one will lead a person astray. Both are true.
    2. But I need a little more light on this expression.

 

  1. Two terms for FRIEND
    1. FIRST: ray·ah- friend, companion, fellow, citizen, another person, neighbor, i.e., one who lives in close geographical proximity, associate, the second party in a personal interaction without indicating any particular relationship.

                                         i.    This term is even used of an adversary in court – an opponent at law (in the sense of another person)

                                        ii.    While it is perfectly legitimate to use this term of a friend… it does not necessarily connote a very close relationship.

    1. SECOND: ˒āhaḇ: - to love; human love for another, includes family; lovers; God’s love for people or people’s love for God; lovely; lovable; have an affection based on a close relationship, sometimes in comparison to other persons with a lesser relationship;

                                         i.    Used in Gen. 22:2 – of Abraham’s son whom he “loved”

                                        ii.    Used in Gen.27:4 – of the savor meat that Isaac “loved”

    1. CLEARLY these two terms speak of different levels of friendship.

                                         i.    Friends come in all kinds of varieties.

                                        ii.    There are some friends we have had for many decades and that friendship has built up and strengthened over the years.

                                      iii.    There is a friendship that we have that may be described as a casual but cordial acquaintance…

                                      iv.    And there is are many shades in between

                                       v.    Obviously we are not going to have the exact same relationship with every person.

                                      vi.    We don’t have the same depth of relationship to everyone we know.

                                    vii.    That is not practical or possible.

                                   viii.    There clearly are different LEVELS of friendship.

                                      ix.    And perhaps the MAIN point of this proverb is to highlight that fact.

                                       x.    Example:

1.   When a saved person begins to attend SBC, we should ALL be friendly to that person and warmly welcome him into the fellowship.

2.   They should be embraced and invited to become an integral part of the fellowship and ministry here.

3.   But that relationship – though friendly – cannot compare to the friendship that that person might have if he had been attending another church for 20 years.

4.   His ties will be stronger with the friends he has had for 20 years than his ties here for one year.

5.   It takes TIME and effort to develop friendships…

6.   The KJV translators highlighted an important truth: to make friends, it is necessary to BE friendly!

7.   And the rest of the proverb implies that we are to CONTINUE to be friendly… and develop and nurture friendships… over time.

 

And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

 

  1. There are some friends whose bond is stronger and thicker than blood… stronger and more faithful than family ties!

 

  1. In the first part of the proverb Solomon spoke of a “man of friends.”
    1. This man evidently had many friends. (some even translated it that way…)
    2. However, his friends were ray·ah – companions; cordial acquaintances.
    3. It is possible to have hundreds of social contacts… cordial acquaintances. Many people do.
    4. If you are a friendly person, you will have LOTS of cordial acquaintances.
    5. Everybody enjoys being around a friendly person.
    6. We all have LOTS of social contacts… people at work you see on occasion… the mail man… the soccer coach… the guy at home depot… they guy at the paint store… the janitor at work… the lady at the dry cleaners…
    7. Hopefully we are friendly towards them all.

 

  1. However, there is a danger in having lots of casual, cordial acquaintances.
    1. The danger is that those relationships are not very deep.
    2. They know you… they know your name… they smile and say hi… and they would only have good things to say about you.
    3. However, in difficult days, casual acquaintances aren’t going to go to great lengths to help you.
    4. They may hear of your calamity and say, “That’s too bad. Isn’t that awful. Poor Joe! I feel really sorry for him.”
    5. That is the nature of a casual acquaintance.
    6. Even if you have hundreds or thousands of them… none of them are very deep.
    7. It doesn’t matter all that much whether you have just one casual acquaintance or 5000… that kind of a relationship is not going to come to your rescue in times of trouble.
    8. Don’t count on them for help. You’ll be sadly disappointed.

 

  1. BUT – in contrast to the MANY casual acquaintances, there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
    1. āhaḇ:  This is the term for friend that is much DEEPER than ray·ah  which often speaks of casual acquaintances.
    2. Sticketh - clinging, adhering to; holding fast, i.e., pertaining to being faithful, steadfast;

                                         i.    Used of cleaving to the Lord. (Deut. 4:4)

                                        ii.    This friendship has some DEPTH to it…

                                      iii.    This is the kind of friendship that has been built up over time… and through many experiences together.

                                      iv.    This relationship has STUCK together… it holds fast…

                                       v.    It has weathered many storms together…

                                      vi.    This friend is reliable… the kind of a friend you KNOW you can always count on…

                                    vii.    It has expressed itself in hundreds of ways over time

                                   viii.    It has been PROVEN… tested… tried and true!

                                      ix.    It has been proven to be faithful… loyal… through thick and thin…

                                       x.    That doesn’t happen over night. It takes time… perhaps decades…

                                      xi.    It doesn’t take much to separate casual acquaintances.

                                    xii.    It takes a LOT to separate loyal friends…

                                   xiii.    Casual acquaintances split and that’s the end of the relationship. Loyal friends also have rifts here and there… but always make amends… and restore the relationship.

                                  xiv.    They stick closer than a brother. They STICK…

                                    xv.    Prov. 17:17 - A friend loveth at all times…

1.   That’s loyalty… a reliable friend…

2.   His friendship doesn’t end over every little bump in the road…

3.   A friend that is friendly only when his own interests are served and the relationship brings him pleasure… is quite selfish… and not the best kind of friend. (superficial)

 

  1. While there are some things we don’t know about this proverb, we DO know at least this much. Solomon highlights the difference between social contacts and deep, abiding friendship.
    1. You may have 5000 acquaintances, but it is far better to have one REAL close friend who will stick with you through thick or thin!
    2. Friendships come in all different depths… from superficial to super!
    3. For most of us, this would be our spouse.
    4. If you have a friend like this in addition to your spouse, then you are VERY, very fortunate.
    5. Not everybody has a friend like this.

 

  1. And there is great application here to the Lord Jesus Christ.
    1. He is a friend like no other.
    2. His love and concern for us is infinitely higher and deeper and more unshakable than any earthly relationship.
    3. And if anyone wants an example of what a true friend ought to BE… read about the Lord Jesus.

                                         i.    He continually manifested love and kindness and grace… even in a hostile world where He was hated.

                                        ii.    He was FULL of grace and truth.

                                      iii.    He didn’t feel slighted… hold grudges… refuse to forgive and forget…

    1. John 13:1 – Christ is our example of a Friend who loves at all times – even to the end. (Note the presence of Judas!)
    2. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. (Rom. 8)

                                         i.    There is a DEPTH to that love…

                                        ii.    And like all friendships – they grow through time and experience… through walking together… talking together… fellowshipping together…

                                      iii.    There ought to be a continual INCREASE to the DEPTH of our relationship to Christ over time…

                                      iv.    “That I may KNOW Him… in a deeper and more experiential way” should be the goal of every one of us.

                                       v.    That is a relationship that we can’t afford to neglect… it must not be superficial and casual… but deep, abiding, and growing!