Proverbs 20:3

Strife: Ceasing or Meddling

1. In this proverb, Solomon gives us a principle to be employed in MOST cases in life in which strife is involved.

2. Most strife is over nonessential issues… the petty little irritations in life.

3. This proverb does not apply to cases where strife is necessary: defending the faith; standing up for the truth, etc.

4. But let’s be honest. Most strife we encounter is of a relative petty nature.

5. That‘s what Solomon is speaking about here.

3a It is an honour for a man to cease from strife:

1. Strife:

a. Strife is a topic we all know too well.

b. We’ve all experienced it.

c. We’ve all been on the receiving end of strife.

d. We’ve also all been the cause of it on other occasions.

e. Defined: controversy; dispute; quarrel; contention; conflict between two or more parties, often with a focus on the feelings between the parties.

2. Strife is MORE than a simple disagreement or a difference of opinion. It is possible for people to hold differing opinions without strife.

a. In a local church setting, there will be differences of opinions.
• In fact, the local church is BUILT on that principle: Jew and Gentile made ONE in Christ… in spite of their many earthly differences.
• Believers of all different backgrounds… with different convictions on non-moral and non-doctrinal issues are to fellowship together in peace and love—without strife.
• Different opinions do not necessarily result in strife.

b. In the everyday life in the world there are also differences of opinions.
• Differences of opinions occur in all kinds of settings.
• In a marriage; between parents and children; between teachers and students; among the teachers; among the students; between the employer and employees; among workers themselves; among those in the medical profession; among scientists; among nations; in the political arena…
• There are 7.5 billion people in the world. And in case you haven’t noticed, they don’t always agree on all the issues.

c. Strife implies something BEYOND a mere difference of opinion. It implies a hostility that arises from those differences.
• We have been considering the case at the church in Corinth.
• They had differences of opinions. They had various groups in the church who gravitated towards different church leaders… which is probably pretty normal and expected.
• But the real problem was not the EXISTENCE of the groups, but that there were CONTENTIONS among the groups.
• Even among nations, there may be different interests, goals, and different views. No two nations are exactly alike. But that does not necessarily translate into WAR… hostility… strife.

3. Strife is easily stirred up.

a. Prov. 15:18 – a wrathful man can STIR UP strife.
• A wrathful man knows how to take advantage of legitimate differences of opinions… different views… and stir up the pot in order to turn those differences into strife.
• Differences of opinions will ALWAYS be present in any group of thinking human beings. (church; business; politics; home; etc.)
• They will be present… and hopefully congenial… friendly.
• But all it takes is one man who gets mad to turn those congenial differences into hostility and strife.
» If a husband or wife gets angry—he or she can stir up strife in the home by bringing up differences that exist… but had been existing peaceably.
» If a church member feels that somebody stepped on his toe, and he is angry, he can easily stir up trouble in the Body… through a whisper campaign… (Did you know that the Smith’s do such and such? I don’t think that’s right. Do you?)
» If a person at work gets angry, he too can stir up trouble… and ruin the atmosphere in the office.
• Some folks seem to know exactly what buttons to press in order to cause that strife to appear.
» Every one of us has said things about others that were hurtful and unkind… We’ve all done it.
» We have also heard some hurtful and unkind things that people have said about others.
» Over the years I have heard enough of those hurtful things, that if I wanted to, I could stir up some strife with a whisper campaign.
» I know some Bible verses that different Bible teachers here interpret differently. I could stir up strife over that too… if I wanted to.
» But I DON’T want to. I have to LIVE in this body. Why would I want to inflict pain on my own body? Why would I want to hurt members of my own body?
» Consider one’s home life: we all know HOW to stir up strife in the home if we wanted to. But WHY would we want to? We have to LIVE in that home!
» Yet we all know what buttons to press. We know how to stir up strife.

• A peacemaker will allow folks the liberty to hold different views on unimportant matters.
• Wrathful men will NOT allow folks the liberty to hold different views on such matters. They seek to stir up trouble.
• He will just keep on hammering away at the differences, trying to make them seem bigger than life… making a mountain out of a molehill.

b. A man who is NOT given to anger will appease strife. (15:18)
• Appease: to be still, to be quiet, to be undisturbed. The primary meaning of this verb is the state or condition of tranquility.
• The wrathful man seeks to destroy the tranquility. It is his nature. He will destroy the tranquility at his job; in his home, in his church, or in any sphere. It is his nature.
• But a peacemaker will appease wrath—he will bring peace, quietness, stillness, and tranquility…
• He will seek to apply the Balm of Gilead to every situation in life.
• Our proverb (20:3) tells us that this man is HONORABLE.

4. Ceasing from Strife (Prov. 20:3)

a. Cease: inactivity, i.e., a state in which one is not able to do work; it indicates literally a sitting or a time of recovery, inactivity; or a refusal to become involved in something, a holding back.

b. Strife is all around us in all different arenas of life. There is no escaping its presence until we get to glory.

c. This proverb teaches us that the HONORABLE thing to do when it comes to strife, is to refuse to get involved! Keep your nose out of it!

d. The best thing we can do when it comes to strife and controversy is to do whatever we can to cause it to cease… to die down.

e. And usually the best way is to stay out of it.

f. Prov. 26:20-21 – By getting involved, we are adding fuel to the fire.
• By taking sides we are perpetuating the problem. When everyone speaks up, voices their opinions, adds their two cents, it is like everyone standing around a fire and each one throwing in a piece of wood.
• It only keeps the fire going.
• The way to cause the fire to go out is to refuse to add more fuel… refuse to get involved… (which translates into: keep your mouth shut!)
• When no more fuel is added, the fire goes out by itself.
• Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just be quiet… and take it to the Lord in prayer. If you have to talk, talk to the Lord.

g. Our proverb tells us that it is honorable to cease from strife by letting the fire die out… let it die a natural death. You’d be surprised how quickly fires go out without any fuel!

5. There are some other things we can DO to cause strife to cease.

a. Turn a deaf ear to personal insults… and slights
• Prov. 19:11 – “It is the glory of a man to pass over transgressions.” Turn a blind eye to the faults of others…

b. Learn the grace of granting others the liberty to hold differing views on nonessential issues.

c. Learn to close one’s mouth.
• Prov. 29:11 – Don’t utter your whole mind!
• A soft answer goes a long way to dispel quarrels…

d. Jas. 1:19 – Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath
• The fruit of the Spirit is self control.

e. Prov.17:14 – Learn to back off from controversy as soon as you see it beginning… BEFORE it gets out of control.

6. That quality is what Solomon calls HONORABLE.

a. Honorable: with dignity; glorious; honor.

b. It is honorable to cease from strife. It is also good for you to cease from strife.

c. We usually think of it as an honor to WIN the strife… to defeat our foe… to humiliate the opposition… to be on TOP.

d. Solomon says that the really honorable position is to be that of a peacemaker… one who ceases from strife… one who does what he can to cause the strife to die down…

e. That is honorable… far more honorable than to fight to the finish… to draw others into the fight… to hurt and destroy many in the process. There’s no honor in that.

f. It is an honor to allow love to cover a multitude of sins.

g. Gen. 13:7-9 – Consider the HONOR of Abraham in the midst of strife between his herdsmen and the herdsmen of Lot.
• Abraham was the elder… he had the right to take the best land for himself.
• But for the sake of causing the strife to cease, he humbled himself, and allowed his nephew Lot to take whatever land he wanted.
• In the end, Lot ended up in the city of Sodom which caused him vexation of soul the rest of his life…
• Abraham received the Promised Land.
• It was to Abraham’s honor that he chose to cause the strife to cease.

3b But every fool will be meddling.

1. In contrast to the man of HONOR… now (characteristically) Solomon describes the opposite: a fool.

a. Men of honor cease from strife.

b. Men of dishonor (fools) meddle with strife.

c. To the fool strife is fun… exciting.

d. They are like those in some big cities who spend their summers following fire trucks.

e. They get their kicks from watching disasters.

f. And some of those folks are arsonists who may have started the fire!

g. The one who meddles is a fool.

2. Prov. 26:17 – He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.

a. The illustration:
• I can’t read this proverb without thinking of President Lyndon Johnson, who famously (or infamously) picked up his beagles by their ears. (That might land him in jail today!)
• But Solomon spoke of that action as kind of foolish. Normally, if you pick up a dog by his ears, he will BITE you!
• The picture here is that of a man passing by the way who observes a dog fight.
• If two dogs are fighting with each other, and you think you will intervene (meddle) and end the fight by grabbing one of the dogs by his ears, you will be sorry.
• The dog will not thank you for rescuing him. He will bite you for interfering.

b. Solomon uses this illustration to teach us a lesson in dealing with controversy and strife among men… human beings. (We behave somewhat like dogs!)
• Sometimes the best way to deal with strife and controversy is to STAY OUT!
• Don’t stick your nose into someone else’s business.
• Even if you mean well, and intend to help, the parties involved may interpret your “help” as “meddling” and they may BITE you for interfering.
• The other illustration taught us to let the fire die out of itself.
• If there are two dogs fighting… or two people fighting, and you get involved, now there are three. And if you get bit, your friends may feel obliged to step in and defend you. Now there are six.
• The controversy can easily mushroom… and get out of control… bigger than ever.
• Sometimes it’s better to just let the two dogs fight by themselves… OR (to use another metaphor) to let the fire die out of itself.

c. On such occasions, Solomon says that the one who is meddling is a FOOL.

d. The one who allows the fire to go out by itself and also the strife to cease is HONORABLE.

e. Honor is to be chosen above folly!