Finding a Wife
A. Finding a Wife
1. Find Defined:
a. To find; secure; attain; to encounter; to meet up with; to happen upon; discover; to have in one’s possession.
b. It is used in Proverbs in relationship to wisdom. “They that seek Lady Wisdom shall find her.”
c. This is a very common word in the Old Testament—used almost 500 times.
2. The term implies several things:
a. Not every man has found a wife…
• Some may be looking but have not yet found one.
• Other men may not even be looking.
b. It implies that to find one it is necessary to look… to seek…
• Finding usually comes through seeking.
• Prov. 8:17 – If you want wisdom, it requires seeking. If you want a wife, it requires the same!
c. Also implied is this: if you want to FIND something, you have to know what you are looking for.
• Female would be a good starting point… but not just ANY female.
• The Bible gives some qualifications for finding a wife.
• In the natural realm you are looking for a female; attractive.
• But in the spiritual realm, you want to look for a woman who is saved; walking with the Lord; of like precious faith; in agreement; (Can two walk together except they be agreed?)
B. A Good Thing
1. Good Defined:
a. This is a very broad term with lots of shades of meaning.
b. Theological Words of the Old Testament:
• Practical, economic, or material good.
• Abstract goodness such as desirability, pleasantness, and beauty.
• Moral goodness.
c. Variously translated as: good, pleasant, agreeable, prosperous, abundant, beneficial, happy, useful, fruitful, benevolent.
d. It is probably best to understand Solomon to be using the term here in the broadest sense… “all of the above”
2. “A good thing” = “good” or “goodness”
a. It indicates more than that the one who finds a wife finds a good entity in the woman herself.
b. Her price is far above rubies!
c. It implies that he has found a FOUNTAIN out of which all kinds of goodness flows.
d. It is more than just that she herself is good… but that the man has found goodness itself!
3. He has found goodness personified—in the person of his wife.
a. Earlier Solomon spoke of wisdom personified as a Lady.
• He spoke of wisdom in human terms… in feminine terms… wisdom personified as a lady.
• This lady is to be sought after. Those who seek shall find.
• The man who finds this lady finds wisdom!
b. Here Solomon seems to be doing something similar: goodness is personified as a lady… as a wife.
c. The man who finds a wife finds goodness!
d. Of course, we are reminded that this is a PROVERB.
• It does not cover each and every case, but is a generalization.
• In most cases, the man who finds a wife finds goodness.
• That is not always the case however.
• Ahaz’ wife Jezebel was anything but goodness personified. She was evil personified!
• Herod’s wife wasn’t all that good either…
• Some women are like “rottenness in the bones” to their husbands. (Prov. 12:4)
• Not every wife is a fountain of goodness… but most are.
C. The Goodness of a Wife (Various shades of meaning for goodness)
1. Practical, economic, or material good.
a. Gen. 2:20 – In a very practical sense, she is a helper… suitable to the man. She helps in ways that he is not skilled in…
b. Prov. 31:10 – She is worth more than rubies… no monetary value can be placed on her. She is priceless; of great value.
c. Prov. 31:12 – She does him good all the days of his life.
• This expression is broad enough to include virtually any form of goodness towards her husband.
• The rest of the chapter explains the good she does.
d. Prov. 31:13-19 – she is a hard worker and brings much physical benefit to her husband and family.
e. Ecc. 4:9 – Two are better than one… for if one falls…
• How practical for everyday life…
• When one is sick… when one needs to be in two places at once… when you need to be at work and someone needs to be at home with the kids…
• Even in everyday chores—two are better than one.
2. Abstract goodness such as desirability, pleasantness, and beauty.
a. Prov. 31:10 – She is worth more than rubies… there seems to be a moral quality to this too…
b. Prov. 12:4 – a virtuous good wife is a CROWN to her husband.
• A crown of honor… distinction…
• A crown makes a king stand out in a crowd… as a virtuous wife makes her husband stand out…
• A virtuous wife can make an average man feel like a king! She is a crown…
c. Gen. 2:18 – it is NOT good for a man to be alone.
• It IS good for him to have a wife.
• It is desirable, pleasant… a beautiful relationship.
d. Gen. 2:20 – she is a helpmeet SUITABLE to the man.
• She completes him… adds another dimension to his life… a fullness… a richness… completion…
e. Moral and spiritual goodness.
f. Prov. 31:11 – The husband can safely trust her… because she is good… honest… pure… trustworthy… morally good… pure… reliable…
g. Ecc. 4:9-10 – This is true in the spiritual and moral realm too! Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
h. Husbands and wives are expected to pray together… worship together… edify one another… admonish one another… iron sharpens iron in the home too!
1. Favor Defined: pleasure; delight; favour; goodwill; acceptance; approval.
a. God Himself FAVORS this relationship. He approves of it.
b. It was He who instituted marriage and brought Eve to Adam…
c. It was He who said it was not good for man to be alone.
d. It was He who said “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.” (Heb. 13:4)
2. Thus, in instituting marriage, God Himself demonstrates that He looks favorably on the marriage relationship.
a. It is His plan… His will… His design…
b. It is acceptable before Him…
c. It is well pleasing to Him.
3. This favor is FROM the Lord… He is the Source.
a. Thus, when a man finds a wife… that woman is an expression of God’s favor towards man.
b. A wife is a gift from above… from the Father of lights… for EVERY good gift is from above!
c. One has to wonder WHEN Solomon wrote these words.
• Did he write this verse early in his life… when he was still “rejoicing with the wife of his youth?” (Prov. 5:18)
• OR did he write it later on in life… looking back over his list with regret… after he had married MANY women—who turned his heart away from the Lord? (I Kings 11:4-8)
d. Prov. 19:14 – A prudent wife is FROM the Lord.
e. The fact that you have a good wife is not to be traced to your skill in choosing… a good eye… It is to be traced to God’s favor and grace!
f. A wife is an expression of God’s favor, grace, kindness, blessing, and goodness towards man…
g. A good wife is God’s answer for that which is NOT good: that man should be alone.
h. So every time you are blessed by your wife…
• Every time she does something that benefits you…
• Every time she does good for you…
• Every time her actions benefit you or your family…
• Every time she cooks a meal… cleans a room… washes clothes… takes care of the kids… etc…
• Every time she tells you that you can’t wear that tie with that shirt…
• Every time she reminds you of a temper out of control…
• Every time she rebukes, corrects, OR edifies and encourages…
• Every time goodness in one form or another flows from her—
• THANK her for it…
• And thank God too… for HE is the ultimate source of that goodness.
• A good wife is a good gift FROM GOD.
• The goodness she does is an expression of HER love and care for you.
• It is also an expression of God’s love and care as well.